lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
