belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
