I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
