Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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