I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
