I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
