All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
