Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
try to milk me bitch
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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