I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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