you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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