You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
