The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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