I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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