he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
