I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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