he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
