please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
