1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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