I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
