made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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