Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
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