I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
