there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize