Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't turn off my feet"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
