I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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