Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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