the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
