got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
These tits shall not be calmed
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
