did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
