Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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