I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
