my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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