THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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