If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
