i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The air taste purple.
Randomize
