I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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