I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
