how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
