I wish I could punch you in the face.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
