I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
