I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize