If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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