It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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