The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
