Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
