Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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