I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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