She's JV to your varsity
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Let's paint friendship bongs
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
