I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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