I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
