I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
