Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
