So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
