I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
