a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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