when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
