Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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