My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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