in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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