Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
