I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
