Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
