also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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