im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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