I feel great
I just peed on a car
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
