you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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