Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize