My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
These tits shall not be calmed
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