i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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