my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
