It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize