Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
