I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
