did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
