Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
