Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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