I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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