Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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