now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
