last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
