You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
