the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
