Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
is wine microwaveable?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
