woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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