Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
