I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
