I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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