and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
