Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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