Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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