party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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