He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
