The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
