you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
