Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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