she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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