this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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