hell yes lets make some ravioli
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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