i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
