Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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