I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
