If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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