Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
