bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
