I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
