Tell her she can't have a vagina
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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