ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
