I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
