Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
