i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
