I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
