i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
