Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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