You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
