Banned from zoo.
Again?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
