I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
