This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize