You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
