You can't motorboat a personality
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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