k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think I sprained my soul last night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
